"The Household" relativity, humour, pictures
(At "great nonsense" wedding generals and grey cardinals are always fed,
therefore nonsense should be derided, then also rats will run up)

1. When simplicity is worse than larceny?
The teacher under the relativity theory:
"The theory of a relativity of Einstein forms the general skeleton covering all natural phenomena. It is absolute true and if someone from you doubts, we there and then will leave forever it without the slightest regret. There are also other proofs."

Usually for strengthening of a "demonstrative" part of the pseudo-theory, relativists indulgently say a phrase: "For gawks Self Einstein explained the theory so...", and various "masterpieces" for "captures further follow on I will flash unreasonable small fishes". Let's look, whether have similar "proofs" any relation to the relativity theory, or they - only plagiarism of common sense? In advance I am sorry about normal people that it is necessary "just like" relativists to "philosophise" for no reason.

  • "If 15 minutes the fine girl sits at your lap, it seems to you that there has passed only minute; if the unloved wife has sat down to you on lap for a minute, it can seem to you that has passed hour." A passage in a big way, on-satanic, forgive, on-relativistic. Yes only "the triangular" maintenance has no relation to the relativity theory, as two absolutely different situations are compared instead of one situation from the point of view of both "observers" (and speeds? obviously not relativistic). And here according to the relativity theory the totally ludicrous would turn out: in the first situation to the girl should seem that it you sit at it in a lap (sensations are especially interesting at a triple difference in weight!); and in the second case to your wife should seem that not she asks it from you money for purchases, and you sit at it the whole hour in a lap and beg for money.

  • "When you spend time with the fine girl within an hour, it seems to you that there passes only one minute, however, when you within a minute sit on the heated plate, it seems to you that passes hour" (Einstein's explanation). Again two absolutely different situations are pointed (both not relativistic and it is exclusive on the basis of common sense). I did not sit on the heated plate, and I will not advise it even to relativists as this sacrifice is exact not for a science. And it too does not concern the proof of fidelity of the SRT, as we cannot ask a plate what "seemed" to it. And whether this hour here will seem minute to the girl - depends on its relation to you and from the purposes of this meeting. Again result - without SRT-manias.

  • "Five hair on a head is much? And in soup?" Again there are two not relativistic (almost static) situations, clear from common sense. Relativistic "interpretation" of each of these situations strictly in general is impossible, as demands introduction of the additional (!) observer estimating, "that such is good and that such is bad", but it would be formal approximately such: from the point of view of a head five hair it is not enough for it, and from the point of view of hair one head - too is not enough for them (if much - still more delirium!).

  • "Duration of minute depends on on what party of a door in a toilet you are."This household statement simply contradicts concept of intrinsic time in the SRT (If, of course, "the black hole" was not formed at relativist in trousers on one party from a door in a toilet, or he has not got to "a black hole" on other party from a door in a toilet. Then it is an area of the GRT applicability).

  • "The relativity theory is when Zurich will stop at this train" (Einstein). Here though some movement presents (the truth, not relativistic), and if words "will pass by" were instead of words "will stop at", with some stretch it would be possible to speak about a classical relativity (a principle Galilee). However "great Kombinator" talks rubbish absolutely, having said a word "will stop". In this case the SRT is obviously inapplicable, but at sending to the GRT we see that it is easily established, who all the same was accelerated (was slowed down: station or a train). So in this case no real "relativity" is present also there was right academician V.A.Fock: "term" the general relativity theory "is inadequate" (as it is a question not of expansion or generalisation, and about narrowing of the concept "relativity").

  • Lecture on the relativity theory for collective farmers. The lecturer twists the next pearl, a muzhik stands up and starts to open theory errors. The lecturer all in sweat: "who are you?" The muzhik: "I am a machine operator." The lecturer: "And what do you here? This lecture for collective farmers only!"

    2. Citations
    (the most part see in Russian: V.D.Savchuk "From the relativity theory to the classical mechanics")

    Nature and nature's laws lay hid in night,
    God said, "Let Newton be", and all was light.
    It did not last; the devil howling "Ho!
    Let Einstein be!" restored the status quo.
    A.Pope, J.Squire

    "Einstein explained me his theory every day, and soon I was already absolutely confident that he has understood it". (Haim Weizman, 1929 .)

    "Einstein too defined time on city hours". (Stanislav Ezhi Lets)

    (The unique pupil!) Benesh Goffman, "Roots of the relativity theory", : Znanie, 1987: "The merit of comprehension of true sense for the law Galilee belongs exclusively to Einstein" (p. 204); "Discovery of influence of a gravitational field on the light velocity should shock Einstein. But he has quickly found a way to turn it on advantage of his theory" (p. 219); "As it is a pity that Pythagoreans did not know about four-dimensional metric tensor... If to Pythagoreans it has been allowed to see and understand that Einstein has created, leaning against concept metric tensor, they would be admired by beauty of his theory, even in spite of the fact that it contradicts one of doctrines about the general importance and universal applicability of the Pythagorean theorem. Though they could declare that as a whole Einstein's theory is a product of the metric ideas put in this theorem" (p. 235).

    "It is possible to tell nonsenses, but not solemn tone." (Julian Tuvim)

    A.A.Sazanov, "Four-dimensional world of Minkovsky":
    "Time is difficult for understanding, but it is easily to notice its current, and ways of time measurement were established long ago there was a thought on communication of time intervals with length of segments of certain type in pseudoeuclidean space... So, without suspecting it, people used clocks as devices for measurement of lengths of world lines...
    ...in the absence of external influences on a world line its vector of mass (!) remains the invariable."

    "It is frequent the equal-sign is true in our equations only." (Stanislav Ezhi Lets)

    V.A.Ugarov "Special theory of a relativity", : Nauka, 1978:
    "Therefore, the most attractive name would be "restricted theory of a relativity", accepted in the French literature."
    "Basically, acceleration changes length of standards and a course of clocks. Simple examples: throw clocks or a ruler on a stone floor. Clocks can simply stop, and the ruler - to break. Even an atomic clock breaks, when atoms collapse." (P. 38);
    "It is impossible to stop time, it always flows. "Rest only dreams us", and in the four-dimensional world "rest" cannot be present (in the sense that V=0). Certainly, as to "speed of a time current", it is defined by a choice of time units." (P. 130; As the Boa has told: "And in parrots I am much longer!)

    I.Raskin "Encyclopedia of the hooliganing conformist" (from Einstein's biography):
    "The person who tried to solve unsoluble riddles of the Universe, declared that use of two grades of soap too complicates a life."

    3. Anecdotes

    "Einstein worked standing... And there was it "on shoulders of giants"! Otherwise as though he could write off results from Lorentz and Poincare?!"

    The customs officer: "whether there is at you a private property?" Einstein: "Certainly! My private relativity theory." The customs officer: "And you have paid from it the duty?" Einstein: "Forgive, I badly understand in English, it is very special theory of a relativity, it is cost nothing..."

    Einstein gets on reception to God and asks about the system of equations, putting in a basis of the act of the World creation. God writes out the system of equations, but Einstein declares that they are incorrect, as to be non-invariant concerning Lorentz's transformations and do not include the equation of the GRT. God recognises that after acquaintance to the special and general theories of a relativity he has understood the error but as tried to change the World according to these theories, it has turned out nothing.

    Scientists brag to God that already all know and can create the World and "Man from a dust", on what God has answered: "Only make them not of mine, and from yours material!

    The relativity theory has proved that time and space are connected in uniform object of four-dimensional pseudoeuclidean geometry Minkovsky. Therefore, companions military builders, you will dig from this fence and till a dinner. Time it is synchronised on commander's clock.

    Criminals of prison of the city M have expressed gratitude to the inventor of the relativity theory: "We for Einstein as behind a stone wall! Now if we stand, we lie or we go, all the same we sit."

    Lie Kinds: lie, the bald lie, statistics and advertising of "achievements" of the relativity theory.

    By long-term selection it is deduced new breed of the physicists confirming as if understand the relativity theory.

    Moses has told: "All from God",
    Solomon: "All from the head",
    Christ: "All from the heart",
    Marx: "All from the stomach",
    Freud: "All from sex",
    Einstein: "All relative",
    Ushats: "All differently".
    In general, how many Jews, are so much and opinions.

    Special-store is closed for special-service by special-rations to experts in the special relativity theory.

    The relativist puffed up from importance: "The physics without Einstein is the physics of monkeys." The physicist-realist: "Certainly, therefore for science development it is necessary to clean from physics not only Einstein, but also all its monkeys and stray many-voiced parrots."

    The announcement in the market: "There are kilogramme weights for scales on sale. To whom are necessary the same (kilogramme), but it is easier, to call by phone and to ask Relativist."

    Question to the fanatic, who is boundless believing in the relativity: "If the relative speed of the Earth and a falling ball makes sense only, why at quantitative definition of the kinetic energy which has passed in heat at not elastic impact, in the relativistic formula (or, in view of small speeds, in classical one) we substitute the mass of the ball, instead of the mass of the Earth?"

    From Explanatory note to investigating agencies: Mine alias is "reljativist-six", in the market I sit for a long time. As the fair person, I did not cheat in weighing buyers. Why my kilogramme mass weighed 900 gramme? I have two versions:
    1) Weights at factory were inside hot, therefore their mass was kilogramme and when they have cooled down, 100 gramme of iron with everyone "has blown off a wind". Here behind explanations - to our relativistic "criminal authority" - to Einstein which have by guarantor "the Nobel money";
    2) The second version: in weights a local "black holes" were formed which exactly to your frisk have evaporated, as learns us Hawking - another our relativistic "Authority" - it too has as the guarantor "the Nobel money".

    The demand in the Nobel committee:
    I, as the true relativistic scientist, studying the most typical elephant by means of ingenious measuring methods (with use of the fastest light signals), invented by Great Albert Einstein, has established the following magnificent discoveries:
    1) When an elephant move his feet by the ground, his sizes vary!
    2) Sometimes the elephant partially collapses - at he disappears either length, or width, or height!
    3) The thick trunk, a thin tail is sometimes visible that!
    4) Sometimes, when the elephant approaches to me and takes away my wonderful tools, I cannot tell anything about his sizes at all! Probably, during this moment he disappears, or, maybe, he becomes simple invisible; I think, additional experiments here will be necessary.
    5) As my records about the sizes of the elephant have not coincided with the data of my twin-brother observing of the elephant from own apartment, I have understood that I can not trust even to my twin-brother!
    6) As truly correct relativistic scientist I cannot trust another, even relativistic and even true, scientists; therefore, measuring all independently, with confidence I assert that the elephant does not have an opposite side! (The note. I cannot take advantage adaptations on other side as being in one place, I cannot be assured that "on that side" my adaptations were not are replaced by wrong scientists - enemies of a science.)
    My revolutionary 6 discoveries will be once again turned the all sciences and the all world outlook of all mankind! I ask to put me, as 101st the ingenious scientist, in turn on reception of the next Nobel Prize. As the future winner, I promise to struggle, that my discoveries will be used only in the peace purposes! I promise to struggle also with all pseudo-scientists, enemies of a true science!

    4. Pictures (Einsteinism on materials of his biography)

    A. Einstein, Independent discovery of noneuclidean geometry

    A. Einstein, Methods of the relativity theory

    A. Einstein, you again have not understood the Pythagorean theorem!

    A. Einstein, Torments of creativity

    A. Einstein, "Invention" of an interval

    A. Einstein, "Inspiration by rotation"

    The relativity theory is...

    "Proofs" of relativists

    "Tenacious" communications of the relativity theory with scientific theories

    Newton's and Einstein's apple-trees

    An impossible cube - one of symbols of Einstein's "theory" of a relativity

    A. Einstein, Great "digger of novelty"

    A. Einstein, Successes in aircraft construction

    A. Einstein, Again "poor"

    A. Einstein and a violin

    A. Einstein, Employment in patent bureau

    "Leader" A.Einstein

    A. Einstein, To what "moustached one" has finished physics! You are silent, has swallowed language?

    A. Einstein's argument

    Oh, this long Einstein's language!

    Amicable "putting" A. Einstein to Nobel prize

    Give to A. Einstein the Nobel!

    A. Einstein, First "almost-president"

    Storytellers A.Einstein and baron Munchausen


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